Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager™ is the registered trademark and sole property of Paramount Pictures. This story is non-commercial and for enjoyment only. No copyright infringement is intended.


AUTHOR: Falcon


SUMMARY: A JetC40's April Fool's Day Challenge fic with TWO endings!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Many, many thanks to Mary S. and Shayenne for the Betas. You two are the best. Thanks and love to Hubby for the ideas and his beta work also. And as always, to JinnyR and Deb.


Uniform Results


"Gads, Starfleet. A bit hungry this morning?" B’Elanna asked, as Harry set down his laden tray.

"Yeah," he replied. "For some reason my uniform is a bit looser this morning. I seem to be losing weight."

Tom immediately got a concerned look on his face. "Have you talked to the Doc?"

"No, not yet. I really don’t think it is anything to be concerned about. I must have missed a couple of meals without realizing it. I am sure it isn’t anything other than that."

Tom agreed and the trio went on to the next topic of discussion.

When Harry entered the bridge that morning to begin his shift, Tuvok raised an eyebrow as he looked at him from the command chair. "Mr. Kim. I will see you in the briefing room now."

"Aye sir," he replied, as a scared look came over his face.

They proceeded through the sliding doors of the briefing room and Tuvok turned around to face Harry with a look of Vulcan disapproval on his face.

Harry immediately stiffened into the old "attention" posture.

"Mr. Kim," Tuvok began, "I realize we are not in the Alpha Quadrant, but that is no excuse for laxness on our part."

"Sir?" he questioned.

"Your uniform. It does not conform to the standards expected of a Starfleet officer."

"I know sir and I apologize. I seem to be losing weight and my uniform is becoming quite loose on me. I tried to replicate a new one this morning, but I don’t have enough replicator rations left this cycle."

Tuvok merely looked even more disapproving, if that were possible for him, and stated, "I see. Then I suggest either you engage in the ancient art of sewing and tailor your uniform, or you find someone on-board who knows the art and enlist their assistance. Dismissed."

"Aye, sir."

With that, they both left the Briefing Room and returned to the bridge. As Harry began his morning scans on his console, he glared down at Tom’s back. Feeling the glare, Tom turned and looked at him. Harry continued to hold Tom’s eye until Tom got a puzzled look on his face and turned back to the helm.

*That’s it, Proton,* Harry thought. *This is war. I am no longer the untutored Ensign you first met. I have learned from the Master.*

The rest of their shift was unremarkable that day. When the Captain and Commander entered the bridge for the start of Beta shift, Harry was able to remain behind his console and avoid their sharp eyes. After turning over his station, he went to the turbolift and entered. Just before the doors closed, Tom jumped in with him.

"Hey Harry. What was the sour look about earlier today?"

"Yeah right. Like you don’t know," he growled. "Just remember the old saying."

"Harry, I haven’t a clue what you are talking about. And what old saying?"

Harry rolled his eyes in response as the doors opened to his deck. He exited and threw back over his shoulder, "What goes around comes around."

Entering his quarters, he immediately commed Samantha Wildman about helping him out. Sam agreed, and he took the uniform to her. Harry knew that the Captain sewed, but there was no way he would ask her. No sirree, bob. He would just as soon she not find out about this.

The next morning, he pulled the uniform out of the closet. Putting it on, he found that it was a little loose, although nowhere near what it had been the day before.

When Harry went for breakfast that morning, he noticed the Command team at their usual table. They both glanced up at him and smiled.

"Mr. Kim", smiled the Captain. "Please, come and join us."

Harry braced himself and sat down beside the Commander.

Chakotay looked at Harry’s tray and his eyes widened. "Harry, are you trying to deplete our supplies all by yourself?"

Harry flushed and replied. "No sir. I am having a bit of a problem with weight fluctuation. I seem to be steadily losing."

"Count your blessings, Mr. Kim", drawled the Captain. "I know people who would resort to crime for that ability. And yes, you do look thinner. Are you sure you are ok? Maybe you should visit sickbay and get checked out."

"No, Captain. I’m fine. I will go if it continues, but for now I would rather avoid it."

Chakotay laughed and clapped Harry on the back. "I understand, Harry. Having just escaped his clutches myself, I would love to avoid him for a long time." Having said that, the Captain and Commander picked up their trays and told Harry they would see him on the bridge.

This went on for the next week. Each morning Harry would put on his uniform to find that it had grown during the night although the increase in size was never enough to land him in trouble with Tuvok. Each night Sam would alter the uniform for him while he plotted his revenge on Tom. He had yet to come up with anything good enough, but give him time.

At the end of a week of gorging himself, Harry woke up one morning to find that his uniform fit perfectly. "Whew. I am glad that is over. Now I can avoid the Doc."

Running late on his way to the bridge, he bumped into Tom.

"Hey, buddy. Have you been avoiding me for the past week?"

"Look, Tom. I know about your little practical joke. At least you have finally gotten your kicks and stopped the game. I will talk to you later when I am over being angry at you."

Tom stopped and stared slack-jawed at Harry’s back as Harry went on down the corridor to the turbolift. Confused thoughts raced through his mind. The only phrase he could latch on to was "what the…..?"

That night Harry put the finishing touches to his plan. "So, Proton won’t acknowledge what he did. Well, he will find out just what someone else is capable of." With that, he input the final entries into the replicator to spring his trap.

The next morning Harry put on his uniform. He had a lot of trouble getting into it and closing the stik-tight tabs on the trousers. "Oh great", he groaned. "One extreme to the other. Well, it’s diet time now."

Harry entered the mess hall and picked up some fruit and plain hot cereal. Glancing around, he saw the Commander gesturing to him.

"Good morning, Harry," he greeted him. Chakotay looked at him and his tray before continuing. "Problem, Harry? Your tray seems to be a bit light today. And what happened to your uniform?"

Harry sighed. "This is the one that was in my closet this morning. I thought I had stabilized the weight loss, but I guess it has gone to the other extreme."

"Well, I suggest you do something about it. The Captain will not be happy if you show up on her bridge looking like that."

"I know, sir. But I am out of replicator rations for this cycle."

Chakotay tugged at his ear and then spoke. "I would lend you some, but I am a bit short as well. Looks like you will just have to tough it out. I will keep Tuvok off you, but you will have to deal with the Captain."

"Thanks, Commander. One is certainly better than both. And speaking of the Captain, where is she?"

"She canceled breakfast this morning and told me she would see me on the bridge. Something about a computer problem."

Harry choked on the bite he was taking and thought, *NO!!!! It can’t be.* Shaking his head he dismissed the thought.

Chakotay beat him on the back until he stopped choking. "Ok now? I have to get up to the bridge."

"I am. I’ll be up soon."



Ending Number One

Harry thought furiously for the remaining time until he entered the bridge. How could he fix this if it had back-fired on him? Squaring his shoulders, he exited the turbolift and prepared to face the music.

Seeing the Captain sitting in her chair, he relaxed. "Ok. I was right. I knew she would not do something like this."

Looking back over her shoulder at the sound of the turbolift doors opening, the Captain smiled at Harry and told him to come down to the Command level. Tom was looking back at him with sympathy in his eyes, Tuvok’s face showed disapproval, and Chakotay’s face was impassive, except for a twinkle in his eye.

Harry approached his Captain and finally got a look at her. He felt himself go pale and got sick to his stomach. Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager had a bright purple blotch on the left side of her face and neck. She looked up at him and slowly stood. That was when he noticed that her uniform looked like it would fit the Commander.

"Mr. Kim," she said silkily.

"Yes, ma’am?" *It was definitely crunch time!!!*

"Mr. Kim, I have but one thing to say to you." She paused dramatically and then drawled, "APRIL FOOLS!"

The End



Ending Number Two

Harry exited the Turbolift and looked around him. Not seeing the Captain, he breathed a sigh of relief. *I knew I was wrong. There is no way she would do something like pull a prank.*

Just then the door to the turbolift whooshed open and the Captain stepped out onto her bridge. All eyes turned to her and the Bridge crew let out a collective gasp. Tom was heard to choke as if he were cutting off a laugh.

Captain Kathryn Janeway. Intrepid Captain of the Federation Starship Voyager. Had pink and green striped hair.

She glared at Tom and icily asked him if he had a toothbrush.

"Ummmm. Yes Captain, I do."

"Then unless you want to spend the next year cleaning the Waste ducts with it, I suggest you put a sock in your mouth!"

Hearing another choke, she turned and glared at Chakotay. "Commander?" she demanded, arching her eyebrow in a perfect Tuvok imitation.

"Nothing, Captain. Something caught in my throat."

Looking all around the bridge, her eyes lit on Ensign Kim. Walking over to him, she stood toe-to-toe glaring into his eyes.

Harry felt his insides drop out of his body. *ohspitohspitohspit. I am dead meat.*

The Captain continued to look into his eyes a minute longer and then turned to go down to her chair. As she walked away, she tossed back over her shoulder, "By the way, Mr. Kim."

"Yes, Captain?" he weakly got out.

‘I believe the correct term is ... "APRIL FOOL'S!"

The End


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